Dispensing Indiscriminate Justice

It’s been an interesting facet of my life that I’ve never been chosen for jury duty.  Not once in the 20 odd years that I’ve been of legal peer judgin’ age has the State of Texas summoned me to serve in the courtroom.

Until today.


And I think I’ve figured out why.  After we covered emergency exit locations, and where to properly store snacks (you can bring snacks?), our drawling judge arrived and let us all know (repeatedly) that he expects “people of good moral character to serve on my juries.”  I have to assume they’ve avoided asking me (until now), simply to save on postage.

As for the judge, he’s like a silver-haired caricature of a Texan.  Seriously.  This guy is so southern that the emphasis on the word “juror” is on the suffixal “or.”  It sounds like he’s saying “Jew roar.”

He also wants none o’ them gah-damn foreigners in here.  “You may have been told that your green card makes you as good as a U.S. citizen…  It doesn’t.  I had a mistrial once on a murder case for that reason.  We ain’t gonna have any of that today.

Another interesting facet, nearly half of the people in the room just leapt at the chance to proclaim how unfit they are for public service.  That is, right up until the point they learned they’d have to explain to the judge himself how burdened, sickly and/or unstable they are.  They they headed back to their pews to sulk.

Speaking of which, the strain from sitting here in these wooden benches has apparently become so unbearable that Lehi (a fine Mormon name, btw), has told us that we’re now on a 15 minute break…presumably so we can go somewhere else, and sit.  Preferably in a sauna.  Because this place is being kept at a crisp 62 degrees. Which, if you didn’t already know,  is the optimum temperature for storing repentance and most soft cheeses.

Wow.  This asshole in front of me just allowed his phone to go extremely audible, at the very moment that whoever he was listening to on said phone said, “-all because of this nigger in the White House.

Nice work, friend.  You’re exactly the man the Texas justice system is looking for.

And now it appears we’re waiting on the bailiff to come down.  The bailiff who is holding “The List.”  After which we’ll know if we were selected or if we can exit the Hoth Tribunal and go home.

Guess I’ll go ahead and make my way toward the exit.




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